Imagine you are sitting in the bus on the way to work.
Imagine if someone sits next to you.
Imagine that person looks at you and says you are ugly
Imagine the old couple in front of you turns around and confirmed before this
Imagine, the driver screaming around by the bus: yes that's right, you're fat.
Imagine, as you leave the bus, shocked and frightened.
Imagine how people laugh at you and whisper, a look at this disgusting person.
Imagine how you enter your office and you finally feel secure.
Imagine how the phone rings and the person at the other end tells you that you do not deserve to live.
Imagine how you come home at night and your neighbor nachruft you: you are totally worthless.
Imagine you're lying in bed, can go through that day again and again as you fall asleep at all the hurtful words over and over again.
And now imagine, every minute of your life would be so.
Then you know, how does someone with an eating disorder.
Monday, December 29, 2008
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Monday, December 15, 2008
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there are so many reasons
leave everything as it
and only one single
at last to make a difference
:
you think it
simply no longer
Sunday, December 14, 2008
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I just searched my resolutions for 2008 to various sources but not found . But I had that, yes. Will have been the same as every year: lose weight, maintain weight, again more or play sports, etc. are clearly not know whether I have succeeded. Keep weight will work out great, I know not why. If I'm considering: a year ago I had 10 kg more. Evil!
This year I have a good Attachment: No attachment, as always not everything goes as you know it makes. I take nothing from me happens viellecht was great. ;) On the surface it might not go well with me better, but under the surface .. naja. It is just content with nothing when you live in such a consumer society and has ne eating disorder affecting only again be perfect. Oh wei, which is now not a depressing entry here!
Bremen was great. Were then but no longer in Hamburg, Johan had then but tired. Did he know, as always before, but I did not say. That's just always so. Annoying! On Thursday, we have first searched the hotel forever, are then immediately then went to town. Some looked at what ate what. Then again rested at the hotel, bit. In the evening we went to the movies. The new film starring Keanu Reeves looked at. Total snot! I am also eingepennt. : O And then the "Alex" and have been drinking cocktails.
Friday we got up pretty early and then (other beds are stupid and had the ceiling we share a home I'm so on my own,..)), Have gone as a walk on the harbor. In between my father phoned to tell me that he has passed his Gabelstablerführerschein. And has quickly re-issued, because his Battery was almost empty. Lol sweet. ^ ^ Joa, then we went to breakfast again "Alex". Oh, I love it! Totally cool. Sitting in the cafe, shopping then, just enjoy life. Pure luxury. Johan thinks not so much. Was always a miracle that I've got the 3x as pure. Then we went shopping a bit, Johan always whining a la "Honey, there still pure?", "Honey, the store is also in Münster". There are other things everywhere. ;) Men! Then we went back to the hotel, Nap. * G * Then in the evening only a little Christmas cheer the market, then back to "Alex". Hihi, which are also grown rich on us. And the waiter was sooo great. * Swarm *
Joa, yesterday we went already by 5 clock up in the morning, because we really could not sleep. And are then by train at 7 clock going down. In the little train. And then had to wait in a city 59 minutes. What a fucking map of the track. Because of a minute! Were then to 10:30 at home. Then we slept at night and I've already started then baked with Pltzchen. And today goes far. But I'm really not that much pleasure ran there. But I still have two doughs prepared. .! Work (and Christmas and that stuff Great vacation, I was just traveling tomorrow I'll have to, have released WE where I'm just traveling
Monday, December 8, 2008
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I hope that I can forget you. ,
I'd feel free to ignore it.
I'm sure at some point,
is simply happen overnight.
Until then, take some time, until then I still
must wait patiently.
I'll try not to look up,
because my eyes betray me.
But I realize that there
will never be anything because there's never anything
was.
Maybe it's because
that I was often alone, when I was small
.
Or that my father was mean.
No, that should not be a defense,
only I knew myself like to
is what it actually
that I walk on clouds,
when I see you.
My head is JWD,
and it hurts me to
know you do not
looks like it in me.
I'll put my heart at your feet,
is what I did so,
contact occurs not Broken,
it already suffered enough.
I is clear that there will never be
something
because there was never anything . You say you want
nothing from me,
I dream of you yet,
what I do not
can not lose me too.
You say it makes no sense if we start two
something
late, because I plug the middle.
Time passes slowly,
there is no day
where I do not think of you,
with each heartbeat.
It is not a day goes by
an hour,
I think of you now,
now, at this very second.
And ever and ever,
day and night,
what is merely the matter with me,
what have you done to me?
I realize
is that there will never be anything because there was never anything
.
13 days ...
Friday, November 28, 2008
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Thomas' answer:
"Hi,
yes, my memory goes back so far ;-) grad still
to 3p.
Try going back and back to the HP - no matter what. (Eg www.imglashaus.de)
If you see a starry sky (usually the weekend), then do the tone
(and Cockies deleting it in the case whatsoever)
Then you hear a great song - Moses words were "It will look as if I were dead, and that will not be true "....
It will come back ;-) "
Geile answer, what? Between the lines I read only: "Let me alone and nervous further!"
What should I write him now on it?
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Letters To A Church Requesting Help
* goosebumps *
Breathe you out
Breathe you in You keep coming back to tell me you're
the one who could have been
and my eyes see it all so clear
It was long ago and far away but it never disappears
I try to put it in the past
Hold on to myself and don’t look back
I don’t wanna dream about
All the things that never were
Maybe I can live without
When I’m out from under
I don’t wanna feel the pain
What good would it do me now
I’ll get it all figured out
When I’m out from under
So let me go
Just let me fly away
Let me feel the space between us growing deeper
And much darker every day
Watch me now and I’ll be someone new
My heart will be unbroken
It will open up for everyone but you
Even when I cross the line
It's like a lie I’ve told a thousand times
I don’t wanna dream about
All the things that never were
Maybe I can live without
When I’m out from under
I don’t wanna feel the pain
What good would it do me now
I’ll get it all figured out
When I’m out from under
And part of me still believes
When you ay you’re gonna stick around
And part of me still believes
We can find a way to work it out
But I know that we tried everything we could try
So let's just say goodbye
Forever
I don’t wanna dream about
All the things that never were
Maybe I can live without
When I’m out from under
I don’t wanna feel the pain
What good would it do me now
I’ll get it all figured out
When I’m out from under
I don’t wanna dream about
All the things that never were
Maybe I can live without
When I’m out from under
I don’t wanna feel the pain
What good would it do me now
I’ll get it all figured out
When I’m
out from under When I'm out from under
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
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Today I am good for nothing. Man, I hate it when I have more days off, then I'll do all the time either nothing or I make in a day very much, for accepting me and what the next before and then I lie just cheer sofa. Argh! Today I wanted to go to Munster, and Christmas decorations buy and decorate some already here. And I've done nothing except cooked food. Doooof. Now isses already too late.
Well, do what want. Tomorrow is fashionable again work. One is ill again and will probably not continue throughout the week (she's always still so bad and she goes to the doctor again today) and the other has already announced half that of its back is not doing sooo hurt heul * *. What a coincidence that her boyfriend has this week off. Funny! What the hell, all so chaotic club. Only the moaning, the Rumheulen, the duration of babble. Is sometimes good if the two are away. Then SILENCE. Wishes itself all work together with me, then they are not fully babbles. * G *
Otherwise .. Ahja, yesterday I've Thomas wrote at StudiVZ.
Haha, what was driving me to, no idea! Sometimes I'm just mad it! I've even written me even if he knows how he is (he hates this question, so I expect no answer) and what is wrong with 3p or whether there still something going on. Well, whatever. I have to laugh now fully broken. On such an idea come and just. Hihi. No matter. He thinks anyway, I'm totally mistaken. He has also right. Loool I hear the new album by Britney grad. It is so geilo! I'm looking sooo doll. If Britney is back, creates endure as Phoenix from the ashes I'll get that too. Yes!
Monday, November 24, 2008
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studivz've just searched in Daniel. And found. Funny, I've been looking more often, but not found. And filing date of Feb. 2007th
Relationship status: open relationship
aha
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I get up this morning, go into the living room, look out first and permanent posts. How cool is that! All full of snow. I could not believe it. Sooooviel snow. I'm glad! 
Hihi and this image I wanted to show too. Raspberries in November. The world is so kräzy! Yes, they are then well gone now. * G *
Yesterday I got me an apartment and Johan rather looked at a house. That was such a flop. Nah, that's even not. First, once the kitchen was broken. In the small line, only the kitchen was out, so stove, dishwasher, etc. because there are the connections. And in the space next to it then all the cabinets and such. Nah, that's not schonmal. Then the landlord had a few rooms above, include his aunt and the woman picks up and then in a few things from. So ne. We would not pay for the rooms, but somehow this is not for me. Well, never mind. We continue searching. I will finally own apartment! With my promised girl's room. Hihi. :) And if we find anything, let us build up himself a house. * G *
Friday, November 21, 2008
Friday, November 14, 2008
Small Bubble Inside My Mouth
I am trying to persuade even severely, but it was not so bad, I just did everything clean stuffed into me. It is not that bad! The bad conscience knocks on the door, but I will not let in. Only it's getting louder .. If this body does not belong to me, I would watch the girls behind and totally envious. Because I'm honest. I would. Actually he is not all that bad, some of them can dream. Curves in the right places, pretty, sexy clothes that everything into perspective .. Only that he should belong to me, I will not believe!
unscrew the head or clean fill straw and not think that would be my salvation.
Now I know why I'm doing at work after lunch getting worse. Because I have eaten. 0.1% but 250g yogurt with a banana and handful of berries Ner not bad! You're crazy, crazy, crazy perfect. to say Al s " awake but your out!". Reason knocks on with you "do it to please!" morning I'm free and then I go shopping and my love is a little bit. He even made the suggestion.
He did not say that we want to just view, but I've already seen boots in the window. The need I have. : D Otherwise, we go later with friends and drink a little bit (.! And eat the chips I've ordered Goofy head) Thursday, November 6, 2008
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Yesterday I cried my father to ask about whether I was ill. Fair enough. And then he asked if I'd come over to cook food (wtf ???!!!) or whether I would eat tomorrow. I think it chops here! If all the spin, or what? The same he has ever asked me on Tuesday morning because I had just called and hung up quickly was because I then occurred, which he is on course so'n comic by the employment office. Then he called back. I wanted to, he buys me biscuits and it brings me. But I had asked my mother and she has visited and has brought it to me. She's got me a drug from the Apo brought (what I had not asked, because I always have for 18 €: o was shopping at the Apo) and cooked me tea. Hear, hear! My mother! * * Staun
Well anyway, he then said as yesterday. I was so pissed. Not that I would not like to cook and not for others. Who else should I cook, especially things like that really pay off for several people, as well as real-consuming and it takes so much different stuff. And what I get for it? Nothing! I gave him then said he should call my brother if he cooks him something to eat. Then he said, I would have at once so bad mood. No, I did not, I do not let me use only so much! That was really the limit ... I live just as my brother still at home. Well, I'm not drawn out "officially". My things that I need not necessarily be still there and I give my mother even more money and stuff. But I'm just like my brother is not there anymore!
Why should I cook for him? Had he then also asked when he have something to cook for me. Yes, he would give me cook something on Sunday, then when I come over. Jaa, 3 mini potatoes and 1 scoop canned vegetables. Wow! I'm sorry, but this eat. I do. not. And I'm tired of them not at all. We need to save, yes, but meat must always be. Sure! Woah.
Every time he asks when I'm free next time. I have released only one day, he asks me too. And then I say no and then he asks me what I had to do with anything more important. Nothing, just nothing! Who is here unemployed and spends all day at home. I do not! I have the reg so on ..
I let this emotional blackmail to stop! The problem is that it unfortunately is as much as I do. He has just as no one like me. This can be blackmailed well with this number compassion "I have no one except you, who cares about me." But I am not a child and he the father? I was always bought everything I wanted, but love can not buy. And a hug and feeling not. I want to not be honest. Why? The only job far better themselves at me, which I, my friend. He sees me as I am. He is the only one who looks into my eyes and I know what I feel. I can not fool him, never. Oh ...
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
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Hi, my name is Bob and I work
in my job, I earn 40 dollars a day
I was in the best of my Hometown
until I went off the right way
It all angrfangen the fact that I've left school
Had fun, living the life
But now I have a problem with the small white drug
look, I can not put down the pipe
It gets me
the world turn to see my dreams fall apart during
there is anyone out there gets me
no more friends around me and my carrier
; trees decompose
makes me ready
me out there Can anyone hear
because it seems I can not even hear yourself
Can anybody see me out there
because it seems I can not even see themselves
it must have a heaven somewhere can you tell me from the
Hö ; Can save lle
me out there anyone feel
because it seems I can not even feel yourself
I lose my way I still lose my way
I lose my way I lose
continue my
way you can help me to find my way back
understand your need
I was a family man
I had even done anything for me but I could not understand
find with my new charm
so I ended up alone
I remember where I was when I got my first buzz show
I thought I would live the life
And the craziest thing is that I will probably never know the eye color of my daughter
And ...
Oh God, please forgive me (hear my pray)
because I know I've done something wrong in my life
if I could make it only reversed
only have a chance
All I have done wrong could make it right again
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I can not
Nee and I've tried everything
But somehow everything works out well not
The is like toothpaste for pimples
one imagines that it helps, but there is no antidote
It's like salt spread on wine stains,
all just damage control, but there is no Rretten
No redemption that you yourself do not want
No help, which penetrates to you if you yourself do not help
I see how you yourself kills grad
because outsiders sometimes see what you yourself do not want to say
as "awake but your on!" The reason
knocks on with you "do it to please!"
As you still try to shake up, because sometimes
mu need good friends shake their friends
We know each other so many years, but you have to decide for themselves whether you hear what I say I can not
I can not
I can not
And all I can
I can not
If you head in the sand
to hope as to say such behavior is not contagious
as "Hey, as long as you are well and hope it somehow goes well
But is it really what you want in life?
move out because of self-doubt even no place?
I know to change hurts
And I catch myself often enough in meeting the keep out of the way
Because I see you're feeling like you are holding
up to the pattern up and up paralyzing
It's hard to see you so
I wish for you that you manage to get up now
For one regret in retrospect, non of what you have done, but the
you have not already done
I can only share what I think or learn
have yet to decide whether you make you hear what I say to the
I can not
I can not
I can not
And everything I can I can
not
As now and then hahaha, just about anything to laugh at hahaha
eyes, music to so lalala
We have what we laughed about it
You've seen it, but again made the same
I think I let up just because
be the opposite of good for me, for you meant well
If you know what I mean, because I
reg me of more your thing on, as you yourself seem
I can not decide for you, but I work
crucial for me to keep me from now
away And I have tried everything, but somehow nothing
You are my friend , no question, but
must decide whether you make that you hear what I say I can not
I can not
I can not
And all I can
I can not
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Gretchen Rossi's Monokini Swimsuit?
Muahahhaha! How geiiiiiiiiil! I'll have yet been told about this page where you can piss people and so I called grad. I called Daniel! And his girlfriend is left turn. Oh shit. This was so the "you know me?" Number. Here: click http://www.marcophono.net/flatrate_3_a.html All the replies have to, then says that on. And they said he is working on, and tonight he is back. Muahahha! Gooooooott Oh! And she asked whether it is business or leisure.
I'll go crazy. It is his number! I first had to laugh fully, at the same time I was so shocked that someone actually went to it. Imagine if he would now rest and he would have it. I freak out! How cool! * Spinning *
Friday, October 24, 2008
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I'm doing at the moment very grad, very good. It is so nice when you find one (other) soul mate who will understand you even if you not a word you said. The can understand your feelings. The laughs when you laugh. Hach yes!
runs with the meal this week, great. My stomach is flat again so great!
Sunday I'm free, so I'll go tomorrow with a friend + brother and no idea who else to fair and then maybe in the disco (: o) or so. Looking forward properly.
Could this just always be so ..
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Replacing Integrqa Starter
Chorus:
Maybe we overestimated ourselves
hoped that grows out of differences
love but I do not know whether that's enough
how much time we still remain
Oh, it is how it must come
but if need be, I will fight till the end .. .
grows, we have overestimated our
We hoped that out of differences
love we have feared that one day everything will have to fight as
and yet we both still up to the end
Nobody wants to suffer the consequences
and that is the dilemma
Thus, our extended conversation with any grace period
and repeatedly asserts that now so many changes
always new experiments that end up in the Old
For after the time the roles are distributed
We want to encourage
mosaics yet but when they blow diern 'nervous little thing
and is the so tiring
we have tried to find each other to
but found only that we lie to ourselves
Probably we have it already knew from the beginning
We are so different that for any peace first must fight
how paradoxical is that?
Where it really should be love for me is the shelter where I
weapons fall Let 's
We have already talked to death as many times as often awarded
tried to change the past
to us to pave the way
on which we grow and can live for two
united as one another, rather than past each other
But everyone breaks at the other two,
We both do not feel
in the partnership are to be themselves
and if it is why we do it to us
and if luck is not to be found in there that look
we then?
It makes me sick
I'm supposed to be the that the debt has
and at the same time am shouldering the entire burden
allegedly the'm here all broken
makes at the same time the one who always comes back to you
and does everything well.
I ask myself constantly what I
change and change can then even the things I liked
only to please you
I do not continue as I am to deform it
I know not as I can be honest with me and will love you
And of course I see the beauty
and so far it outweighs
God knows I love you
and hold on no matter how severe the criticism is
but I also have limited forces
try it slides out of my hands
'to control my emotions and still
displace
I want to give
again and again, we deserve
it would be' nothing short of catastrophic in the dispute and effect to draw this line '
but I no longer can fight
I can not stand longer'
can and I do nothing more for us
two of us will perish
http : / / www.youtube.com/watch?v=PeRpa0OOrxA
Monday, October 20, 2008
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knew If only I, if I can attract so .. Or if that's too over styled fürn Monday. Maaaan. But I want to wear a dress today!
Monday, June 9, 2008
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I 'm full of pot yesterday against ne ran door x_X my father has in the dark the bathroom door left open and I habs not seen and I am running full tilt against .. thank you!
the total bäule ouch
tomorrow abifaxen with us in the School times will look like and what the high school graduates think
so I could start here with my balance .. XD But even could - some other time XD "
today today today in the free hour: D
we went into self-learning center for four, I suna christian, pia, and And there is ne panel, as in dr house \u0026lt;3
and Woman has front me pins, where and I should teach the two girls that dissimilation is so cell respiration and in the theme I'm ne 1 + mental * g * So did I on the set panel NEN, held lecture and the panel are outlined and the was cool I suppose:
when I, together with the front panel of the pin was and was able to say houses the famous sentence "Okay, now we need a diferenzialdiagnose what they say?" uhhhh \u0026lt;3 gorgeous XD
guck etz I minimized with cati or habs hockey and listen to the comments
Monday, February 25, 2008
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I decided, again with the lj-write to begin ..
habs a year or so remain completely leave, with manual into the matter. somehow I've probably thought it was better not to write so much about it. made me think.
have in any case I pretty much deleted from my list!
who am still on the list and added back on it like, just say know! I did this just to have an insight.
much fun, I am also looking forward to finally write and read!
♥